Clear Sight

Some people in life do not see clearly because they have never had their eyes opened.

Some refuse to see.

Some see and do not care.

Some see and pretend they did not.

Some see and look for an advantage for their own life.

Some see and do nothing, paralyzed by hopelessness.

And some, a small few, see and are changed forever.

In America (I cannot speak for other countries), I walk around surrounded by many who do not see. I interact on occasion with some who have seen and done nothing. People are blind. We’re blinded by ourselves, we’re blinded by our false sense of security, we’re blinded by the bling of our lives, we’re blinded by the busyness of life, we’re blinded by the materialistic selfish ambition of our age.

Satan is a happy camper.

And I feel confused. I feel alone. I feel isolated, as if everyone is walking around as if nothing is wrong and there’s a child dying right in front of us. I look around and think, don’t they see? Don’t they understand? But they’re laughing and discussing how they want a bigger house and how they just spent $200 to re-dye their hair yesterday. And I stare at that child, crying and afraid, and again I look around and think “why does no one do something?”

But they don’t notice the child, they are too consumed with their life, or they have chosen to ignore it, or they have seen and are even moved to compassion but are too afraid of what others think to step forward.

My cousin has told me many times that when she has told people about our mission trip to Africa they look at her and say with disgust. “Why? Why would you ever choose to go there and to have to endure such circumstances?”

Those words strike fear into my heart. Have we really fallen so far that all we can think of is our own selfish comforts when human beings are suffering and starving ALL OVER THE WORLD?

It frightens me too that someone would ever say such a thing to another person. That they are too comfortable in their life to reach out to others in such a way I could perhaps ignore, hut to criticize someone who has selflessly made that sacrifice to help others? It makes me want to say “What is wrong with you?!” “Have you no heart or desire for anything besides your own temporary pleasures? You will die one day and everything you have will be rubbish. Think beyond your own body and eyes to what is outside your window.”

I was taught as a child, to do unto others as you would have them do unto you and that if you don’t have anything nice to say, don’t say anything at all. Simple instructions I learned as soon as I could walk.

And yet grown adults have not learned them.

America has become like a plastic Barbie doll world. Disneyland is no longer just a fantasy place, our entire country has become artificial and unreal. We are like robots, taught what to think and say and how to dress and what to want. It’s all about appearances and success and your opinion and what makes you happy. 

And outside the bubble of the USA, the entire world is crumbling, falling apart, beginning for help. Even America is crumbling. But we wear our artificial glasses so we don’t have to acknowledge it. We think we are so much better than others because of our indoor plumbing and our furniture and houses.

But in the bargain of so many material pleasures, we gave up something so precious. Yet we did not and still do not see it’s value. Our humanity. Our love. Our ability to feel.

An amazing quote from a movie called Beyond Borders put it beautifully.

“We drown it. Kill it. Numb it, anything not to feel. You know, when I was a doctor in London, no one ever said 'medahani'. They don't thank you like they thank you here. Cos here they feel everything, straight from God. There's no drugs, no painkillers. It's the weirdest, purest thing - suffering.”

We ask ridiculous and cruel questions about life and cultures we don’t understand and refuse to see or care about. We ask why do they continue to have children? When in parts of Africa women are considered free game for the whole village raped at any time by any man. This is not to mention that some tribes still circumcise their young girls- meaning that sex is not only not pleasurable it’s painful.

It’s not just Africa either. Middle Eastern families in the USA send their young girls back on “vacation” to be circumcised.

In China only one child is permitted per family.

Even in the USA, women are made a sex icon, sold into slavery EVERY day to be used as a play-toy because we have made everything fun and games and not real.

Children kill their parents, because it’s all a game, like in their video games.

Innocent people are killed on passenger flights and we barely blink, it’s just like in the movies.

We blame mental health for our problems, our parents, society, whatever we can point a finger at.

We abort millions of lives instead of valuing life and family and the gift of a child.

We do not feel. We refuse to feel. We are numb to life and walk around like statues.

“Seeing they may see and not perceive,
And hearing they may hear and not understand;
Lest they should turn,
And their sins be forgiven them.”- Mark 4:12

“The idols of the nations are silver and gold, The work of men’s hands. They have mouths, but they do not speak;
Eyes they have, but they do not see; They have ears, but they do not hear;
Nor is there any breath in their mouths. Those who make them are like them;
So is everyone who trusts in them.” – Isaiah 135: 15-18

If we would but see. If we would be hear. If we would but let it change us, so that we could be the hands and feet of Jesus.

OPEN YOUR EYES to what is around you. Jesus died that all may not perish. This world is fading away; death and sin are conquering the earth. But Satan will not win. He thinks he has the victory but God will destroy Him in the last hour and conquer.

Do not be ignorant of the times we live in or the things to come. Be compassionate. Love others just as Christ loved us. And pray, give, love, ACT.

Info about the vacation genital cutting
http://www.nytimes.com/2014/06/11/us/a-fight-as-us-girls-face-genital-cutting-abroad.html?smid=fb-nytimes&WT.z_sma=US_AFA_20140611&bicmp=AD&bicmlukp=WT.mc_id&bicmst=1388552400000&bicmet=1420088400000&_r=3

Youth- a look into the heart of a generation

Youth- by Daughter
These lyrics are filled with so much meaning, so much truth, so much vulnerable honesty.

"Shadows settle on the place, that you left. Our minds are troubled by the emptiness. Destroy the middle, it's a waste of time. From the perfect start to the finish line." 
- a bad breakup. 

"And if you're still breathing, you're the lucky ones, 'Cause most of us are heaving through corrupted lungs." 
- seems to hint at two different things: 1. smoking and how we corrupt ourselves and suffer for it and 2. it's hard to breath from the pain

"Setting fire to our insides for fun"
-makes me think of alcohol and self-destruction for the sake of only living once. Also the concept of numbing the pain.

"Collecting names of the lovers that went wrong. The lovers that went wrong."
- We all do it. we all have our list.

"We are the reckless, We are the wild youth."
- how we see ourselves, how others see us, irresponsible, free, wild.

"Chasing visions of our futures. One day we'll reveal the truth, That one will die before he gets there."
- we are impressionable and think we're invincible and can do anything. but as we grow up we realize often some dreams can't be reached in this life, we realize life is short.

"And if you're still bleeding, you're the lucky ones. 'Cause most of our feelings, they are dead and they are gone."
- as people grow up and get hurt they numb themselves emotionally. they don't let anyone close, they don't let themselves feel because they've felt too much.

"We're setting fire to our insides for fun. Collecting pictures from a flood that wrecked our home, It was a flood that wrecked this home."
- not sure what the symbolism for flood is but we do hold on to mementos and memories of things that hurt us. we don't let them go and heal and move forward, we hold on to them, we collect them, we think about them when we need a  pity party for ourselves.

"And you caused it, And you caused it, And you caused it"
- ah the pointing figure- it's all your fault. it's never that simple.

"Well I've lost it all, I'm just a silhouette, I'm a lifeless face that you'll soon forget,"
- we become hollow, a shadow of who we once were because we stop living

"And my eyes are damp from the words you left, Ringing in my head, when you broke my chest.  Ringing in my head, when you broke my chest."
- words stay with us forever, we never forget them. broke my chest seems to implicate that he literally destroyed her ability to live, to feel, to breath (the theme of the song!!!)

"And if you're in love, then you are the lucky one, 'Cause most of us are bitter over someone."
- ah the crux of the matter- bitterness. lost loves. pain that we have held onto and buried deep until we can't feel anything anymore

"Setting fire to our insides for fun, To distract our hearts from ever missing them. But I'm forever missing him." 
- no matter what we do to numb the pain, it stays with us because we don't let it go, we just try to ignore it and destroy it.

"And you caused it, And you caused it, And you caused it"


So even though this song is about love gone wrong as so many other songs are, I feel it's depths are in 1.the language it uses to depict it 2. how it so aptly describes our youth in today's generation 3. how it pinpoints a negative pattern that is becoming the normal of self-destruction and placing dreams and love and feelings as the most important thing. The nature of the song itself is somewhat immature in that as people mature they learn to deal with pain and loss in more positive ways. But this is from a youth's perspective, and they feel their heart has been shattered, so they become self-destructive trying to destroy the pain.

The song is relatable, we listen to the lyrics and we all remember. We remember that list of lovers (for lack of a better word) gone wrong. We remember how it felt the first time we got hurt by someone we deeply cared about. We remember when we thought all our dreams would come true. We remember how it felt to wish we didn't feel anything ever again.

Youth finds the essence of young love and vulnerability and reveals it for the beautiful disaster it is.

The Star in our faults

I watched the fault in our stars tonight. and as you can imagine if you have seen it or heard about it from someone who has seen it - I wept, I laughed, and then I cried some more.

On my way home I contemplated the depth of the movie, the depth of the themes and quotes. 

I realized the movie moved me so deeply and I wondered if a movie that doesn't include God should move me so. But then I contemplated further and realized that although the author didn't write about faith, God has written His story everywhere and He uses people to tell it when they don't even realize it. 

See Gus is a lot like Jesus. He loves Hazel, even when she resists him, even when she warns him that all that she is (like our sin) hurts him, even when she's weak and can barely walk, even though he knows loving her will break his heart, he loves her. he loves her unconditionally. and thats how Jesus loves us. He brings meaning to our life, brings us out of our depression. Gives life to the dying soul. Sacrifices his own life so we can live. One line in particular brought this hoe for me. "You gave me a forever within the numbered days." As a christian, eternity starts now, in my numbered days I have forever through Christ.

But this movie also makes a crazy impactful point about life. "You die in the middle of your life, in the middle of a sentence." Life isn't forever, we count on tomorrow but tomorrow has never been promised to us. Oftentimes we die before we can finish that last sentence in our book. We have to be prepared for that and live life with purpose and intention. We can't wait until tomorrow to repent of sin or make peace with God, we can't put off witnessing and loving others for another day. Another day isn't a sure deal.


Here are a few of my other favorite quotes:

"You don’t get to choose if you get hurt in this world, old man, but you do have some say in who hurts you. I like my choices. I hope she likes hers.” 

"It's a metaphor. You put the killing thing right between your teeth, but you don't give it the power to do its killing."

"We all want to be remembered. But Hazel is different.
Maybe she wasn't loved widely but she was loved deeply."


“Some infinities are bigger than other infinities.”
“Maybe 'okay' will be our 'always” 

If you haven't seen this movie- I encourage you to go see it, yes it's sad, but it's really quite powerful and makes you see life and death from a different perspective. it's inspiring.

but don't forget to bring your tissues, because you will need them.

Looking Back

"Try as we may, happy as we were, we can't go back." One of my favorite quotes from the movie North and South (BBC).

So often in my life that quote is applicable. Change is hard. The hardest part about getting older and moving forward is looking back. I miss things about my life in the past. But the truth is even if I went back to those things they wouldn't be the same, because they have changed too. But I miss the past, so many cherished memories fill me with longing, even as I know there will be wonderful days to come.

I walk through Meijer, and I miss the simplicity of my job when I worked there. No one's life depended on me, my job was simple and I was good at it, but it didn't require much of me, the cost was very minimal. There were so many good times, days filled with laughter. I miss working in the garden center and getting soaked from head to toe from watering the plants, and being glad I was wet because it was so hot out. I miss working in the bakery and running around for 8 hours straight making cookies and strudels, etc. I miss the nights where it was slow and my department looked flawless.

It's always easy to forget the bad times, and to forget the wonderful things I have now. It's hard to balance joy in the past and in the present. It's true that working as a nurse is exhausting. Not just physically, but mentally, emotionally, even spiritually. It's unpredictable, and constantly changing. And the responsibility is enormous. Sometimes it's easy for me to remember all the exhausting things about my job and forget the joys. To forget the nights where my patient is all alone and needs a squeeze on the hand and a reminder that they are important and not alone. The nights where I get the joy of seeing someone who has had a stroke make huge progress in regaining the use of their limbs. I could go on and on... patients who were a joy, patients who made me crazy, patients who made me cry, patients who were dying, etc....
God has given me the blessing of being a part of some of the most difficult, vulnerable, and important moments in people's lives. And that is exhausting. But it's an amazing and incredible privilege.

So point being, it is easy to become discontent, to think on all the negatives and get caught up in that. But at the end of the day it's important to keep things in perspective. Yes, there are always going to be times where I hate my job, am tired of my life, miss carefree days where I could hangout with my friends all the time, or long for something beyond my grasp. But I have to remember there will be good days, days filled with joy and love and laughter and making new memories. God has given me so much. When I remember that there are people in this world that don't have a choice in how they live, I am so thankful, and I feel so unworthy.

God gives each of us a gift every single day. He gives us life. And He says, "Ok, now do something with it today to glorify Me." It's up to us whether we will do so or not.

Thanks for bearing with me and my emotional rampage in this blog. I just feel like discontentment is a terrible tool that satan uses to immobilize us (like fear) and I think it's important for us to remember that God wants to do something amazing in our life every day, if only we will let Him.