Post 5- "My grace is sufficient for you, for My strength is made perfect in weakness."

I have been thinking about a lot of things lately, but am having a hard time formulating them into anything yet. I have been reading in Galatians and Ephesians and so my mind has been on the church and the Holy Spirit a lot. Just been pondering how short this life is and what I am doing for the Lord. What am I doing that is making a difference for His kingdom. I am being challenged in my walk to be more bold and bring the Lord up in normal conversation.That's really hard for me, and I don't know if its the fear of their opinion, or the fear that they will have questions I don't have the answer to or fear I won't know how to introduce the topic...am I ashamed of Him? Something I ask myself, if I am not, then why don't I say what is in my heart? Why don't I tell everyone I meet about the joy God fills me with each morning? What holds me back? This is an area God has been convicting me heavily in, and I can't say I am improving by much, in fact I don't know if I am improving at all, but I feel a great stirring within me to be more bold, to be more willing, to tell people about the Hope I have in Christ.

I was homeschooled from  fourth grade up and graduated with a co-op of other homeschooled seniors. There were about 20 of us. Last week one of the girls I graduated with died of a seizure. This has been on my mind a lot this past week. I didn't really know her well, I had never made the effort to be her friend, because I thought I knew what kind of person she was, and I didn't think she was a good candidate for a friend of mine. What a judging person I am. She is dead, and I will never know until I see her in heaven, what kind of person she really was. I never listened to what was in her heart, I just judged what I saw and what I thought I knew. Maybe I was right on some of the things I thought about her, but ultimately that doesn't matter, what matters is that I never even made the effort to see where her heart was. This has been very convicting for me.

What does God ask of us? He asks that we love Him. If we Love Him, we will follow after Him and His commandments, and we will share Him with everyone. So why is this one thing He asks of us- to love Him- so very difficult for most of us?

We have this fire and this passion to reach the lost, to save the world, and yet something holds us back, and we live our common lives without stepping out of the glass box we've chained ourselves to. God has set us free, free from all bondage, what keeps us from embracing that freedom and living our lives in a supernatural way? It doesn't have to be something huge. Something small like giving the lady at Wendy's a tract is Huge! Don't believe me? Try doing it. Its hard. Its hard when you see people or have customers at work to not just end the conversation with "have a nice day," but to add "God Bless you" these seem like small insignificant things. But you wanna know how I know they are not small and insignificant? Because if they were- satan wouldn't care. It wouldn't be sooo hard for us to do if it was no big deal. Our hesitation is satan trying to keep us from living our every day surrendered and on fire for the Lord.

I think I have mentioned before that I have struggled a lot with doubts throughout my life. Doubts of God's existence etc.. its so weird to me because I even will wonder if I really believe or if I have deceived myself into just thinking I believe. I know that sounds weird, but I guess its the whole "am I really changed?" and with the way my flesh rears up sometimes, its not wonder. However, Christ's victory in my life, and the fact that its a fight, and not just a losing battle everyday is evidence of His work in me. Sometimes I just have to quiet the questions inside of me that want to created fear and hesitation and simply trust God that He is true, and that my faith and salvation are real and sincere and that I am changed. These are matters of faith, and I need to pray for God's gift of faith a lot more than I do.

I have been also going through the Gospels on podcast on my drive to school, and am now in Acts. And something that has been piercing my thoughts a lot is the question, "If I had lived when Jesus was a man on earth, would I have believed?" My flesh tells me I would not have, but my spirit asks me why I would not, if I believe now. It is hard for me to understand, I have loved the Lord and believed in Him for so long, I don't even remember what drew me to Him. I know that sounds strange, but I grew up in a christian home and accepted the Lord when I was 5. I don't remember honestly what first made me love God. I know that many times I turned to Him out of fear of damnation, out of prayer for rescue from Hell. I guess the point I am trying to get at is, since I don't really remember what is was that brought me to the Lord, it is hard for me be able to see what my actions might have been on the day Jesus walked this earth. Perhaps it is something I am not to ponder, something I can never know, something best left alone, but it is something that weighs on my spirit, for I want to believe that no matter what circumstance or time that I would always follow God. My spirit says I would, but my flesh says I am sinful and would rebel. I don't know why I share this really, its just something that has been in my thoughts now and then, I suppose it really comes down to me searching out my salvation and what is within me, what forces battle, who is and will win, and what my true desires and motives are.
It is a quest for truth.

"It is for freedom that Christ has set us free. Stand firm, then, and do not let yourselves be burdened again by a yoke of slavery."
"For through the Spirit we eagerly await by faith the righteousness for which we hope. For in Christ Jesus neither circumcision nor uncircumcision has any value. The only thing that counts is faith expressing itself through love."
" You, my brothers and sisters, were called to be free. But do not use your freedom to indulge the flesh^[a]; rather, serve one another humbly in love."
"So I say, walk by the Spirit, and you will not gratify the desires of the flesh."- Galatians 5

Is the way I live my life focused on my reputation- so that others will like me, or is it determined by my availability to to share the gospel with them? In other words, do I live every moment, is every action for other's to take pleasure in? Or is everything I say and do for the sole purpose of enhancing Christ's Kingdom?

" Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, who has blessed us with every spiritual blessing in the heavenly places in Christ"
 "In Him we have redemption through His blood, the forgiveness of sins, according to the riches of His grace  which He made to abound toward us in all wisdom and prudence,  having made known to us the mystery of His will, according to His good pleasure which He purposed in Himself,  that in the dispensation of the fullness of the times He might gather together in one all things in Christ, both which are in heaven and which are on earth—in Him. In Him also we have obtained an inheritance, being predestined according to the purpose of Him who works all things according to the counsel of His will, that we who first trusted in Christ should be to the praise of His glory."
" In Him you also trusted, after you heard the word of truth, the gospel of your salvation; in whom also, having believed, you were sealed with the Holy Spirit of promise, who is the guarantee of our inheritance until the redemption of the purchased possession, to the praise of His glory."- Ephesians 1

Anyways those are some of the things on my heart lately. Please feel free to leave comments on what God has been teaching you or any thoughts you have on these matters! :) God Bless!

Blog Post 4- Titanic and William Wilberforce- what I have been thinking on this week.

I was reading this the other night in "Passion and Purity" by Elizabeth Elliot.

"Servile, and base, and mercenary, is the notion of Christian practice among the bulk of nominal Christians. They give no more than they dare not withhold; they abstain from nothing but what the must not practise. When you state to them the doubtful quality of any action, and the consequent obligation, to desist from it, they reply to you in the very spirit of Shylock, “they cannot find it in the bond.” In short, they know Christianity only as a system of restraints. She is despoiled of every liberal and generous principle: she is rendered almost unfit for the social intercourses of life, and is only suited to the gloomy walls of a cloister, in which they would confine her. But true Christians consider themselves not as satisfying some rigorous creditor, but as discharging a debt of gratitude. Theirs accordingly is not the stinted return of a constrained obedience, but the large and liberal measure of a voluntary service. " Real Christians by William Wilberforce

SO a few nights back I was watching Titanic with a friend of mine. I love that movie but for the first time I caught something which I had never contemplated before. One thing was when Rose, towards the end of the movie stated, "Jack saved me, in every way a person can be saved." Of course I disagreed but then I began to really think about something. The one thing that really hit me about the relationship between Jack and Rose that I find beautiful is that He sets her heart free. Now of course this really got me thinking, because I know no man can set my heart free, only God can. Now, God and Jack are very different, so I am not saying Jack necessarily represents Christ in Titanic, but there are definitely some similarities which I found fascinating and are causing me to see their love story in a different way.

Ok so the first time they meet, Jack saves Rose. How does he do this? By basically showing her that someone cares, He says, "You jump, I jump." Maybe I am stretching this a little, but the first thing God does is show us He cares, that we matter to Him; He tells us we have purpose and meaning, and not to throw our life away. He then shows her a different world, maybe not what I would call a very moral world, LOL, but just a free way of life, he shows her that her life could be different, free from the chains that people have placed on her, the burdens she bears.

She then tells him the next day she can't see him anymore. He tells her, "They've got you trapped, Rose, and you're gonna die if you don't break free." Isn't that how we were? captive to Satan and sin and destined for death if not freed? But we had to break free, we of course, couldn't do that on our own, but we had to choose Christ.

Ok next, what happened? Oh yea, she changed her mind. He didn't force her, Christ doesn't force us, our love must be a choice. Did you notice, he takes her back? He doesn't reject her but stands by her, even though she had rejected him earlier. He was patient. How many times did we have to hear the gospel before we accepted the Lord? Was it the first time? Have there been times we rejected God? But He always was forgiving and patient. They fell in love. But then he was accused of stealing from her, she felt she couldn't trust him. the world accuses God, it says that He causes suffering, that He can't be all good and loving. We, like Rose, have to come to the point where we choose to trust and believe Him, take a leap of faith and place our lives in His hand, which is where the next part comes.

Next part of the story, you have Rose being talked into going into the lifeboat, now this prob isn't completely accurate picture since Jack tells her to go. However, this scene forces her to choose:,  life without Jack, or possible death with Him. Is our life more important than our relationship with Christ? Paul said we are to lose our life to gain Christ. Our life, if God isn't in it, is worth nothing, we have to see that even if it means death, having that relationship with Christ is more important. Rose literally jumps out of the lifeboat and into Jack's arms, she takes a leap of faith and places Her very life in His hand. Then what? Oh yea...Satan pursues us like crazy and we end up in crisis after crisis, trial after trial. We pass people who have chosen death, and Christ prods us on to continue, not to look back or linger. "when she sees Mr. Andrews and Jack hurries her to keep going.”

Through Jack's death- Rose gets that new life, she gets a new name, his name. Rose tells this story and changes people's views on what happened on the Titanic. Jesus Christ died and rose again, through His resurrection He gave us life and freedom from the chains of sin. He gave us His name- we are Christians, for Christ is within us. When we tell the story of what God has done for us, it changed people's lives and the way they see life and the Lord. We are free. God has set our hearts free. No man can set your heart free, so when you watch Titanic next I encourage you not to see Jack and Rose's relationship and think that you should find a man who does that for you, because the fact is, only one man will ever set your heart free, and that man is Jesus Christ and He has done above and beyond what Jack did for Rose.

So anyways just a thought I had the other day, maybe it is off, I don't know I think its cool, it makes me think of the story a little different, I hope I am not placing symbolism where it is not, I just think its amazing that Jesus's image and story is so intertwined throughout our lives, creation, and even movies that were made by men who do not believe in Him. It really shows how Amazing God is, the things He uses to paint His picture and leave His fingerprint. Because everything in this world is the distorted image of Him, stained by sin, yet we catch glimpses of who He is. May God Bless you and Reveal His hand in your life each day, opening your eyes to His glory.