It's amazing how easy it is to get so dristracted, so focused on the negative and discontent, as my pastor used to say "in-grown eyeballs" I recently had a pretty bad case of in-grown eyeballs. Then one day the Lord just woke me up and said, "hey, I have been trying to get through to you for months, where are you?" and I looked around and I realized that while I thought I had just been plodding along, living life so-so, I had been ignoring God, I had been hearing and acknowledging Him, but not acting. I suddenly saw that in not pursuing God and walking towards Him, I had been doing the opposite.
My youth pastor once said, "there is no cruise-control to your christian walk, you're either accelerating or braking" and that is so true. I was deeply convicted and honestly quite afraid. How had I gotten so far from God and how could I find my way back? I had been pouring myself into hobbies, movies, books, everything but God. I was drained and stressed and felt a million miles from Him and it was my own fault. He never walked away from me, He was standing there wanting to embrace me the whole time, it was I who was not making time for Him. I was overwhelmed by life and having a pity-party for myself because I didn't feel fulfilled, because I had been seeking fulfillment from things that would never fulfill me.
It's amazing how great God's grace is. I don't deserve His mercy, I have been disobediant and selfish and yet He gives it without hesitation. "Through the Lord's mercies we are not consumed, because His compassions fail not, they are new every morning; great is Your faithfulness!"- Lamentations 3:22
