Nurse for a Year

Come December, I will have been working as a nurse for a year! Where does time go? It's crazy to think how much I have learned and grown in a year, and yet how far I have to go. I still ask so many questions and don't know nearly as much as I'd like to, I have so much growing left to do as a nurse. That is one of the things I love about my job, although sometimes I'd like to feel like I know it all, I am glad I don't, and my job challenges me regularly because each patient is different and on my unit we deal with everything and anything, so it keeps me on my toes.

I have of course, finally joined the group of weirdo nurses that are probably checking out your veins when you have no idea. It happened all of the sudden- veins became fascinating, and now I love to look at them and admire them. I watched Thor 2 opening night and the close up of Chris Hemsworth's arm veins was beautiful. My sister thinks I am strange and creepy- probably true- but I can't help it, good veins are worthy of admiration.

I am currently pursuing my BSN degree- which will take a year- and working part time still on night shift. I like nights, one of the things I think I like best is that is has a very therapeutic goal, obviously we still care about getting them healthy and ready for discharge, but the goal of the night is more to make them comfortable and help them to get some good rest. So in essence, I strive to make them feel better and get better. Although this is most definitely a goal for day shift as well, their focus is more on the plan for the day and discharge planning- getting the patient to where they can successfully go home and improve their health. Someday I think I'd like to try dayshift, but for now, I like nights and I am still learning a lot, so I see no need to make that transition quite yet.

I am enjoying being home more this semester, although homework can be tedious, at times it can be almost enjoyable. And I prefer having more time at home to help out around the house and spend time with my family. I am still working on publishing two of the books I have written. I also enjoy the time with my sweet puppy and am trying to work out more and get into shape (blehh…) 

So this season is proving interesting and different from previous seasons, but I am enjoying it. The holidays are around the corner and I am excited that my older sister will be home for Christmas and about spending fun time with family and good food!

My walk with God has been good, things were really rough in the Spring, but I have been reading in the New Testament and my church has a new pastor on the way. I have found an increasing sweetness in my fellowship with Christ- He is so faithful and patient and loving.

Man of Steel

Saw Man of Steel tonight and I really liked it. And I saw some pretty cool symbolism.

So Superman is not a human right, he’s from another world, but he is raised human, and his real father when speaking to him, says basically- you are just as much of this world as krypton. His father also says, “You will give the people an ideal to strive towards. They will race behind you, they will stumble, they will fall. But in time, they will join you in the sun. In time, you will help them accomplish wonders.”

That was what really caught my attention, I was like – whoa hold up that’s some pretty deep symbolic theology right there. I think in some respects superman in this movie represents a picture of Christ. He is our hope, the reminder that we can choose Him and through Him we can become good instead of evil, He is our ideal, the One and only whom we are to try to aspire to be like. We’ll fail and mess up, but some day we’ll join Him, and He uses us to accomplish wonders. Thought that was pretty cool.

And there was another part of the movie where he’s fighting one of the krypton lady warriors and she tells him he’ll lose because his morality is his weakness and evolution will always win. I looked at my sister and whispered, “This is gonna be awesome! Theology is gonna kick evolutions tail in this movie!”

I’m sure as I think on it more and watch it again later, more will come to me, but that’s what I got so far.

By the way, I always knew Superman was my favorite for a reason :D

Random, but another good superhero movie with a lot of symbolism is the Green lantern- Will vs. Fear was a pretty powerful concept to think on :)

A Thousand Tomorrows

The sun is shining, summer is underway, and I find myself thrilled about life.

You know whats amazing? LIFE. Life is amazing- God is amazing- and He has so much for us when we walk with Him. I am excited, excited about the future, the endless tomorrows, b/c even though this life is not endless, with Christ even after death we will live on. So I see the future as endless, full of opportunities and adventures God has already written for me. I have no idea what the next fifty years of my life will hold, but I can't want to find out, one day at a time, I don't want to simply meander through this life, I want to change the world, even if its just my little circle in cincinnati for now, I want to make a mark for Jesus on this planet, I don't want to waste my life.

I recently started reading the book Don't Waste Your Life by John Piper and although I am not very far through the book, the premise has captured my attention. What does it mean to not waste your life, how can I make sure I don't waste the time I have been given. It has become a goal and something that I look forward to, God has promised that if we follow Him, everything we do matter and nothing is wasted, and thats an incredible and exciting thought, that He is going to do amazing things with my life b/c I want to honor Him.

Anyways, some thoughts of encouragement, life is short, and even though its cliche and used inappropriately sometimes, YOLO (you only live once) can be very appropriate in some aspects- Use your time on this earth wisely- DON'T WASTE YOUR LIFE. What have you got to lose? Someday, all followers of Christ have been promised eternity, so what in the world can hold us back? Go change the world!

"Only one life, 'twill soon be past; only what's done for Christ will last." - C.T. Studd

Eyes on today

It's amazing how easy it is to get so dristracted, so focused on the negative and discontent, as my pastor used to say "in-grown eyeballs" I recently had a pretty bad case of in-grown eyeballs. Then one day the Lord just woke me up and said, "hey, I have been trying to get through to you for months, where are you?" and I looked around and I realized that while I thought I had just been plodding along, living life so-so, I had been ignoring God, I had been hearing and acknowledging Him, but not acting. I suddenly saw that in not pursuing God and walking towards Him, I had been doing the opposite.

My youth pastor once said, "there is no cruise-control to your christian walk, you're either accelerating or braking" and that is so true. I was deeply convicted and honestly quite afraid. How had I gotten so far from God and how could I find my way back? I had been pouring myself into hobbies, movies, books, everything but God. I was drained and stressed and felt a million miles from Him and it was my own fault. He never walked away from me, He was standing there wanting to embrace me the whole time, it was I who was not making time for Him. I was overwhelmed by life and having a pity-party for myself because I didn't feel fulfilled, because I had been seeking fulfillment from things that would never fulfill me.

It's amazing how great God's grace is. I don't deserve His mercy, I have been disobediant and selfish and yet He gives it without hesitation. "Through the Lord's mercies we are not consumed, because His compassions fail not, they are new every morning; great is Your faithfulness!"- Lamentations 3:22

New Things

I have just completed my second week of work- on my own- as a nurse. CRAZY!!!

I can honestly say every night has been different, some have been harder than others, but every night I learn something new.

I love my job. I love that I get the opportunity to extend God's love and compassion to people when they are sick. I hope that doesn't change through the years, I know it's easy to become tough-skinned to people, but I want to also empathize and love people, I don't want to be a harsh and judgmental nurse.

My prayer is that God will give me hands filled with His love and healing.

My job is both amazing and absolutely terrifying, the knowledge that I have people's lives in my hands is very scary, but God is in control, and I have to trust He will give me wisdom each night.

I ask LOTS of questions, and I mean LOTS! I sometimes feel like I ask too many questions when I should feel more confident in my judgement and critical thinking, but I know that will develop with time, and I'd rather double check than take the risk when I am not sure about something.

The nurses on my floor have been awesome about helping and giving me advice for difficult situations.

I know many struggles are ahead,  I know that some nights I may be discouraged or frustrated or not love my job- I am trying to prepare myself for that. But good or bad, God is Sovereign.

The verse I have been really pondering of late is from Acts: "I can do all things through Christ Who strengthens me" -That verse is powerful. God is my strength, and I can rest knowing He will give me the strength I need.

That's something that I feel like He has been teaching me this year so far a lot. It's been hard working nights to find time every day for my time in the Bible and in prayer, but God has been showing me what it means to rely on Him. It's amazing that I have learned that before, and yet I am re-learning it in a whole new way. I am so weak, but God is all-powerful, and all I have to do, is ask Him to intercede for me, to be my strength, such a simple thing, and yet in my pride, I am so prone to trying in my own strength- even when I know it leads to failure. How stubborn and proud I am in my flesh.

God is showing me daily that I need Him, and that all I have to do is ask for help, He is all I need, He fulfills.

Song I heard tonight that I loved: All things possible by Mark Schultz
I will call on Your name /For there’s always a way /When You lead me /And when life knocks me down /I am not counted out /For You’re with me /And You’re with me

Even when it feels like the light is fading /And I’ve lost my way /Still I’m holding on to the One who’s making /All things possible
Even when it feels like my heart is breaking /Hold on, there is strength /Knowing I belong to the One who’s making /All things possible

I know mountains can move /I’ve seen what You can do /In my weakness /So my heart will believe /If I wait I will see /My God doing, what only He can do

*My God is strong and mighty /My God is faithful /My hope is in the Lord /For He is able*

-Praise the LORD for He is able!!!

God bless you all!

New beginning, season of change

Today was beautiful. The sun was out and it wasn't as cold as it has been. I don't dislike winter, but I confess I wish it wasn't so long, by mid-january I am ready for some sunshine and 60-degree weather.

The Christmas holidays were crazy mad wonderful pandemonium as usual, and I think I am still recovering and trying to catch up on sleep, working night shift three nights a week makes that difficult. It was strange being awake during the day today, but it was a nice change, esp since the weather was nice.

In November I got my first job as a Nurse. I am working on a critical care unit- a step-down ICU, so we do continuous heart monitoring and get quite a variety of patients. Not having been on the floor since role transition in May, it was quite the adjustment, but 5 weeks into my orientation now, I am beginning to feel more confident. There are good nights and bad nights, and that will always be true, but every day I am learning to be a better nurse. I have 5 weeks left with my preceptor before I am on my own. I am both nervous and excited, I can't imagine not having my preceptor when I get a really hard assignment load, but I know when the time comes, I will not be alone, and God will give me the grace to perservere.

It is interesting, being a nurse, being new, and yet learning to establish relationships with the rest of the staff. New jobs are always a challenge at first, and I think I had forgotten what it felt like to be the new-bie, but I am beginning to find my place and feel more comfortable with myself as a nurse.

Life throws all sorts of curveballs, and the older I get, the more I wish I didn't have to grow up. I won't sugarcoat it, its way harder than I imagined having my friend's all out of state and moving on with their lives. I don't think I ever really knew we'd all go separate ways, I guess I thought we'd all always be together. It was easier when I was in college, I made new friends that I saw all week long and studied with on the weekends, but that's gone now, and I feel stuck, wondering how I am to meet new friends. Best friends are beginning relationships and I know in the years ahead some of them will be married, and I always knew that would happen, but nothing can really prepare you for the reality that you've grown up.

"For everything there is a season, a time for every purpose under heaven"
one of my favorite passages of the Bible is Ecclesiastes 3, and this verse has comforted me many times through the years, sometimes life is hard, there are times of tears, but there are also times of joy. If things were never hard, we wouldn't appreciate the good times.

I have been reading through Matthew in my devotions, and it has been amazing to really acknowledge who Jesus is and the things He taught. Lately I have been thinking about that a lot, who is Jesus? How can I be more like Him? I must know Him. So while reading Matthew, after each chapter I write in my journal "the words and acts of Jesus" just to remind myself that the words aren't just good information, they are the words of Christ, what He taught the people of Israel in His ministry. I think since I have grown up hearing the scriptures, sometimes I forget to let them sink in, to ponder the power of the Word.

2013 has begun, and I can honestly say that I have no idea what this year will bring. I hope many adventures, much laughter, great conviction, salvation of the lost, and constant communion with God. I am excited when I think of all the things I still want to do and see, and the possibilities are endless, God is in control.

Scripture I read today that really moved me: "what profit is it if a man gains the WHOLE WORLD, but loses his SOUL?"
-that is powerful, nothing in this world that I desire can ever replace my soul, what good are the things that tempt our flesh, if we lose our very life: our soul? I want to ponder that truth when I long for things that will never satisfy me, when I am discontent or seek after my own will.

LOVE THIS SONG, these lyrics are amazing. "You revive me, You revive me LORD, and all my deserts are rivers of joy, You are the treasure I could not afford, so I'll spend myself till I'm empty and poor, all for You, You revive me LORD."

God bless!